My Momisms

   I listen to KLOVE in the mornings on the way to work, well all the time really, but it prompted me to think about the things I tell my girls that they will probably make fun of when they grow up (or maybe they do now...who knows) and decided to share them. As you know, I print my blog into a book so the girls will always have it. They have the first volume in hardback already and LOVE it!!

My Momisms:

1. Just put on lipstick. You'll feel better.
2. You are not allowed to cry simply because you are tired.
3. Just don't do it if you aren't going to do your best.
4. Do not quit.
5. No resting until the weekend. There isn't time for it. (I hate this one, but it happens to be true at this point in our lives)
6. Working hard will make you appreciate what you have and built character. (then they look at me crazy)
7. Lie all you want but God knows. (this usual guilts them into being honest)
8. I may not find out all the things you do, but God knows. (this does, too)
9. You are the only sister your sister has! 
10. Don't irritate your sister or she'll stop putting toothpaste on your toothbrush for you.*
11. You will not dress like a hooker.
12. Wipe, flush, and wash your hands.
13. No chickens in your bedroom. (Yes, I am referring to live ones)
14. You will not be a "mean girl".
15. The better you look, the better you feel. :)
16. Everything is better if it's wrapped in a tortilla.
17. Do not hold a chicken while you're running, what's the matter with you?
18. You may not eat dinner if you're naked. It's a rule.
19. Always wear clean panties. And your own panties.
20. Be respectful to other people even when they aren't to you.
21. Do the right thing even if it's the hardest thing.
22. Don't let the crab roam free or he will get lost.
23. If that turtle bites you he won't let go until it thunders!
24. If the frog pees on you, you will get a wart.
25. If you walk thru bull nettle, one of us will have to pee on your leg. (LOL)
26. Stay away from skunks or you will have to take a bath in tomatoes.
27. When I get old one of you must  pluck my one chin hair. It is a requirement of a daughter.
28. Why do you look like an orphan?
29. Do NOT chase boys. They are supposed to chase you. Keep running and don't look back.
30. If you don't make good grades, the only college you'll get into is Wiley. (don't ask. I'm partially ashamed--but not entirely)
31. You have a lot more than I had at your age.
32. There are rats in your hair. (one still thinks real rats get in her hair.)
33. I go to school and work hard because if I don't, neither will you.
34. Stop "tooting" during supper. It is not funny so stop laughing at your sister.
35. You may not sleep in a tent with a pig.
36. If a boy is mean to you, that means he likes you. But then refer to part three of #29.
37. Suck it up.
38. I love you and I'm proud of you. (yes, i realize this is number 38, but I actually say this one daily)


Funny Kidisms I have learned from my daughters:

1. Melted poop is kid for diarrhea.
2. Sockball is kid for softball.
3. Geniuses is kid for the Book of Genesis.
4. Kids' hearts beep while our hearts beat.
5. Sneakers is kid for Snickers (as in Snickers Ice Cream bars).
6. Girls have gas way more than a boy could, and are proud of it. "Better out than in."
7. At least one of us must sleep with mom and dad each night or they will get cold.
8. Arm pinks is kid for arm pits.
9. It's cool to sign (yes, sign language) when our parents are around because they won't understand us.
10. Pretending to be asleep and trick your mom and dad is fun, even if you do it every single day.
11. It is important to sort all hair things by color. Each color has its own basket in the bathroom drawer. (???? Kam's rule)
12. We must wear mom's shoes when we take them to the closet because it is fun.
13. "Momma, you're wearing that to work?" is kid for momism #11, You will not dress like a hooker--even if you're the mom.
14. Everytime I poop, I must report to my mom specifically what color it is. (???)
15. Dad's shrub is kid for dad's underarm hair. But we think his shrubs smell really good.
16. If I can't find a place in my drawers or closet to put my clean laundry, I'll just put it back in the dirty clothes.
17. It is totally OK for me to be angry at my sister, but I don't want mom to be angry at my sister.
18. If my sister is about to get in trouble for not cleaning her room, I will clean if for her to keep her out of trouble because I'm the big sister.
19. "April 4th!" is kid for "April fool's!"
20. Lifting Room is kid for living room.

• I have learned NEVER to ask "Does this look OK?" if there is any question in my mind that my boobs are hanging out or my butt looks too big, because they will definitely tell me. I have raised them to be honest, after all.

• I have learned NOT to talk to a certain one of them within 30 minutes of her waking up, which is odd, because the other one is ALWAYS in a good mood.....

• I have learned that ALL kids are COMPLETELY different, even if they are sisters. Here is a prime example..... according to Kam, the worst day of her ENTIRE life was when a chicken snake killed all her baby chickens last year. She was devastated and cries at all things that hurt any of the animals. Ken, on the other hand, was scared by a rooster last year and wanted to chop his head off and fry him right then. Amazingly, they both want to be veterinarians when they grown up--Kam for farm animals and Ken for pets. While this would be awesome, I have a feeling one of them will be out drumming up business (being the salesperson) for her sister's animal clinic. They are, and will be, great partners.

* I felt like I should explain the toothpaste thing. I have NEVER pasted my girls' toothbrush for them, nor have I asked them to do it for each other. Somehow, Kam babies her little sister and got the idea to do this for her all on her own, now Ken does it for her sometimes.

Happy Mother's Day!!!!